


Looking for Malcolm

by Warp5Complex_Archivist



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-04-29
Updated: 2009-04-29
Packaged: 2018-08-16 01:06:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8080783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Warp5Complex_Archivist/pseuds/Warp5Complex_Archivist
Summary: Malcolm's resignation prompts Archer to go looking for him





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Kylie Lee, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Warp 5 Complex](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Warp_5_Complex), the software of which ceased to be maintained and created a security hazard. To make future maintenance and archive growth easier, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but I may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Warp 5 Complex collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/Warp5Complex).

Looking for Malcolm

Enterprise was in dry dock for repairs and her crew on Earth for some much needed rest and relaxation. They had dispersed quickly and eagerly until the only people left on board were the repair crews, Captain Archer whose climbing trip had been postponed due to inclement weather and a recalcitrant Lieutenant Reed who insisted that he had nowhere else he needed or wanted to be and wouldnâ€™t the time be much better spent if he stayed onboard and did some work on improving the yield of the photon torpedoes.

Archer knew that he should be enjoying this rare break from responsibility but every time he saw Malcolm, even if it was only briefly in the corridors while he was walking Porthos, he couldnâ€™t help but worry about the younger man. Feeling responsible for his crew was simply part and parcel of being captain, he knew that, but it was different with Malcolm. He doubted that his armoury officer realised just how much Archer sensed of his fragility and loneliness. Even Malcolmâ€™s growing friendship with Trip couldnâ€™t extinguish the sorrowful look that crept into his grey eyes when he thought no one was looking.

At first Archer had assumed his feelings were purely paternal but after the first dream, when heâ€™d awoken with Malcolmâ€™s name on his lips, heâ€™d realised his true feelings and subsequently done his best to suppress them. It hadnâ€™t been easy but Archer had continued to fight his desire for the man, Malcolm he knew wouldnâ€™t appreciate knowing that his captain harboured certain feelings for him.

This was why, now when it was just the two of them alone on Enterprise, Archer was doing his best to avoid Malcolm, even while he worried over the change he was seeing in the man. Malcolm seemed more on edge than ever and his eyes were full of a grief that he didnâ€™t even try to hide at those times when his path crossed the Captainâ€™s.

Even now, standing to attention in front of Archer, Malcolmâ€™s eyes betrayed his unhappiness. Perhaps, he told himself, it had something to do with Malcolmâ€™s family. On the approach to Earth, Enterprise had been deluged with messages from family and friends but in that steady stream, Malcolm hadnâ€™t received a single one.

â€œGo home Malcolm.â€

â€œSir?â€

Archer suppressed a sigh and instead forced a smile. â€œMuch as Iâ€™ve enjoyed your company Malcolm, I think some time away from Enterprise will do you good. Go home, see your parents, your sister.â€

It looked as though Malcolm were about to say something but instead he pulled himself up even straighter than before and focused his eyes on a point just above Archerâ€™s head.

â€œMalcolm?â€

â€œIs that an order sir?â€

â€œYes. Go and have some fun.â€ He hadnâ€™t meant to sound too serious but the stricken look that briefly appeared on Malcolmâ€™s face hit to the core of Archerâ€™s being. He was on the verge of opening his mouth to recant his words, but at the last moment he decided not to. Archer knew all too well that declaring his feelings for the younger man would be foolish. If they werenâ€™t reciprocated and Archer couldnâ€™t quite manage to convince himself that they would be, there would be all kinds of trouble and in his worst nightmares Malcolm always requested reassignment and Archer was too good a captain to risk losing the best armoury officer in Starfleet, to do so would risk everybodyâ€™s lives. 

So he let Malcolm go, but he did at least keep an eye open in order to ensure that the man reached his parentsâ€™ home safely and then, knowing that he would be unable to relax even out in the wilds, he took himself off to Starfleet headquarters and buried himself in work.

Two weeks later he was still immersed in paperwork when Trip strolled into his office.

â€œSo how were the mountains?â€

â€œMountains?â€ Archer raised his head distractedly.

â€œYou were going climbing,â€ Trip supplied helpfully. â€œCâ€™mon Jon, tell me you at least had a break. I would have expected this from Malcolm but not you.â€ Tripâ€™s blue eyes narrowed as he stepped closer to Archerâ€™s desk and when Archer did finally meet his gaze, Trip couldnâ€™t help but miss the hurt in the manâ€™s eyes.

â€œDid something happen to Enterprise?â€ Trip clenched his fists. â€œI knew I shoulda stayed and overseen the repair work myself. If theyâ€™ve hurt her..â€

â€œItâ€™s not Enterprise,â€ Archer replied, smiling at Tripâ€™s exaggerated wrath.

â€œPorthos?â€

â€œHeâ€™s fine, fat but fine.â€

Knowing there were only a few things close enough to Archerâ€™s heart to cause him pain Trip couldnâ€™t help grinning in triumph. â€œItâ€™s Malcolm.â€

â€œRead this.â€ Archer pushed a padd across his desk.

Blue eyes looked up in confusion a moment later. â€œHeâ€™s not coming back?â€

â€œItâ€™s my fault,â€ Archer admitted candidly.

â€œNow youâ€™re being foolish,â€ Trip stated bluntly. â€œI donâ€™t believe you could say anything to drive Malcolm away, heâ€™s far too besotted.â€

â€œBesotted?â€

â€œInfatuated, obsessed, smitten..â€

â€œI know what besotted means Trip.â€

â€œSo are you going to go?â€

â€œGo where?â€ Archer asked, suddenly feeling that he had lost control of the conversation.

â€œAfter Malcolm. You wonâ€™t just stand by and let him resign.â€

â€œHeâ€™s decided he doesnâ€™t want to come back. Malcolm doesnâ€™t take any course of action without good reason.â€

â€œIf it was Malcolm who made the decision.â€

â€œTrip?â€

â€œAlright,â€ Trip raised his hands. â€œI know how you feel about Malcolm, but Iâ€™m his friend and there are some things that heâ€™s shared with me.â€

â€œThings?â€ There was a dangerous light in Archerâ€™s eyes and he stood up and took half a stride towards his friend.

â€œHow his father didnâ€™t want him to join Starfleet, not at first anyway. In fact he did everything short of locking Malcolm up to try and prevent him leaving.â€

â€œBut he left.â€

â€œThey fought about it night after night but in the end Malcolmâ€™s father turned around and said he could go, he even gave Malcolm his blessing.â€

â€œDid Malcolm tell you what prompted the change of heart?â€

Trip stared down at his boots and then back up at Archer, almost defiantly. â€œThere are some things that would be better coming from Malcolm.â€

â€œThen what are you trying to say?â€

â€œJust that Malcolmâ€™s father has never accepted that his son has the right to make his own decisions. If he could stop him from coming back he would.â€

Archer glanced round his small office, his eyes finally coming to rest on a pile of folders on his desk. â€œIâ€™ll need someone to look after Porthos.â€

â€œIt would be an honour.â€

â€œWeâ€™re short of a few crew members.â€

â€œTâ€™polâ€™ll be back in a couple of days, weâ€™ll go through the folders together.â€ Trip smiled. â€œThereâ€™s nothing stopping you from leaving Jon. Just promise me youâ€™ll bring him back.â€

â€œIâ€™ll do my best.â€ Archer promised fervently.

_____________________________________________________________

The Reeds, so heâ€™d been told, were away on holiday and their big old house, standing at the foot of the South Downs, was empty. Despite these setbacks Archer had refused to give up. Heâ€™d spent three days so far in the village, asking questions about Malcolm and his parents and receiving evasive replies. Everyone he spoke to, it seemed, had a lot of respect for Admiral Reed and was therefore reluctant to talk to him.

Heâ€™d have to leave soon, the repairs on Enterprise were almost complete and Starfleet command were anxious to send her back out into space. Trip had promised to do his best to delay as long as possible, although Archer wasnâ€™t entirely sure he approved of Tripâ€™s methods. Insulting the repair crews so that half of them had given up in disgust was liable to cause him more than a few headaches when he finally returned to San Francisco.

The sun was still just high enough to warm his back when Archer decided to talk a walk out to the admiralâ€™s property. He knew it was empty but maybe just being close to Malcolmâ€™s childhood home would help inspire him as to what to do next.

There was a light on, Archer realised, shining out, just visible beneath the eaves of the house. Perhaps whoever was responsible for that light would be able to tell him where Malcolm was. Archer continued along the road with new-found optimism, only to be met at the end of the road by a large forbidding gate. There were no signs or any indication of how to gain admittance but while Archer hesitated in the road, a movement to his left among the trees drew his gaze.

â€œMalcolm?â€ His heart almost stopped beating when he spotted the slender figure of his armoury officer, standing only yards away.

â€œCaptain.â€ Malcolm too seemed surprised by this sudden meeting.

Driven by pure instinct alone Archer stepped forward, his arms encircling the younger manâ€™s shoulders, pulling the warm body towards him and finally meeting a pair of warm, desperate lips with his own. When they finally broke apart Archer was breathing heavily and there were unshed tears in Malcolmâ€™s eyes.

â€œIâ€™ve come to take you back.â€ Archer explained.

â€œI resigned,â€ Malcolm pointed out flatly, â€œIâ€™m afraid youâ€™ve had a wasted journey.â€

â€œI canâ€™t afford to lose you Malcolm.â€

â€œYouâ€™ll find another armoury officer,â€ the man responded quietly, wrapping his arms around himself.

â€œI didnâ€™t come here for my armoury officer Malcolm. I came here for you.â€

Confusion, grief, fatigue, all these were present on Malcolmâ€™s face as he gaped in bewilderment at the other man. â€œI donâ€™t understand.â€

Archer took a deep breath and willed himself to stand still. â€œI came here Malcolm, not just because youâ€™re my armoury officer but because I love you.â€

Malcolm looked blank and mentally Archer kicked himself.

â€œItâ€™s inappropriate for you to proposition a subordinate,â€ the man pointed out, even dressed casually, he still exuded an air of control.

â€œIâ€™m sorry but..â€

â€œHowever,â€ Malcolm continued with a faint smile. â€œSince Iâ€™ve resigned from Starfleet Iâ€™m no longer your subordinate.â€

Archer began to smile as he realised what Malcolm meant. The younger man quickly closed the distance between them and reached out almost tentatively for Archer.

â€œSir..â€

â€œCall me Jon, Iâ€™m not your captain anymore.â€

â€œJon,â€ Malcolm smiled and Archer was immensely relieved to see the life returning to Malcolmâ€™s eyes. â€œI always wished I could bring you here, show you where I grew up.â€

â€œFor how long?â€ Archer asked, his heart swelling at the thought.

â€œSince my first birthday aboard Enterprise,â€ Malcolm responded. â€œThe amount of effort you went to just to make me feel special it.. it touched me. It made me realise that you were different from other people Iâ€™ve served under.â€

â€œDifferent?â€ Involuntarily Archer shivered, although whether at the implication of Malcolmâ€™s words or from the chill in the air that heralded the onset of twilight he wasnâ€™t sure.

â€œWe should go inside,â€ Malcolm realised. â€œI can make us something to eat.â€

â€œIâ€™d like that,â€ Archer replied, storing away the comment about Malcolmâ€™s former superiors for later.

â€œThis way sir.â€ Taking Archerâ€™s hand he led the way into the trees. Beneath the branches it was darker and Archer found himself having to watch his footing, as questing tree-roots thicker than his legs constantly threatened to trip him up. Walking amidst the closely packed trees feet crunching across the yearâ€™s discarded leaves Archer found himself wondering if it was woods like these that had inspired all of the fairy tales his father had always enjoyed telling him. It was only Malcolmâ€™s warm hand in his that kept him rooted in the present but he was still startled when they stopped.

â€œMalcolm?â€ he queried, looking at the brick wall that stood at least eight feet high in front of him.

â€œIâ€™m afraid some climbing will be required.â€ Malcolm gestured at a nearby tree whose huge branches overhung the wall. When Archer looked at him quizzically Malcolm explained, â€œitâ€™s the only way we can get back to the house.â€

â€œThe gate?â€

â€œItâ€™s locked and itâ€™s electrified. This wayâ€™s easier. Iâ€™ll go first if you like.â€

â€œFine.â€ But as Archer watched Malcolm scrambling up the tree as easily as if heâ€™d been climbing a ladder he found himself filling up with indignation at the thought that Malcolmâ€™s father had restricted his son so casually.

â€œItâ€™s your turn now si.. Jon.â€ Malcolm called over the wall and Archer, a little more stiffly and sedately than Malcolm, climbed up the tree and then inched his way out along the lowest of the branches hanging over the wall. He dangled for a moment and then dropped as Malcolm had done, surprising himself a little when he landed on his feet.

â€œYou got out that way?â€

â€œNo. Thereâ€™s an old railway tunnel on the other side of the house. Itâ€™s pretty overgrown but provides a way out if you donâ€™t mind a few scratches.â€

â€œMalcolm..â€

â€œThereâ€™s no need to say anything.â€ Malcolm turned and glanced up at the branch, silhouetted against the darkening sky. â€œItâ€™s a lot easier doing that now then when I was ten.â€

â€œIâ€™m sorry.â€ Archer hoped that Malcolm could still see his face through the dusk to understand how deeply shocked he was. â€œI wish I hadnâ€™t told you to go home.â€

â€œIâ€™m glad I came.â€ Malcolm replied crisply, he reached out and took Archerâ€™s hand. â€œItâ€™s a five minute walk to the house but at least itâ€™ll keep us warm.â€

It was practically night now but the moon was out and Archer was struck by the romance of the situation, the story of Repunzel sprang to mind and Archer couldnâ€™t help but chuckle, wondering what Malcolmâ€™s reaction would be to knowing that he was being compared to a fairy-tale princess.

â€œMalcolm,â€ Archer tugged on the hand and the man stopped and turned, his grey eyes reflected the moonlight and Archer sighed.

â€œAlmost there.â€ Malcolm leant forward and brushed his lips across Archerâ€™s. â€œIâ€™m glad you came.â€

As he entered the house Archer glanced round with pleasure, the house was full of antiques, mainly items with naval associations.

â€œTheyâ€™re worth a fortune,â€ Malcolm commented.

â€œItâ€™s a wonderful house.â€

Malcolm shrugged. â€œNot a patch on Enterprise. Would you like something to eat?â€

Archer shook his head, being in Malcolmâ€™s presence had filled his stomach with butterflies. â€œIâ€™m not hungry.â€

Malcolm smiled almost shyly. â€œMy bedroom,â€ he suggested hesitantly.

Archer nodded. The moment was bittersweet, in one sense he was getting everything he wanted but something Malcolm had said rankled. Not wanting to ruin the moment Archer pushed his concerns away, for the time being he must concentrate on Malcolm, nothing else.

Malcolmâ€™s bedroom was huge, but surprisingly empty. There was nothing out of place and somehow it wasnâ€™t what Archer had expected to see. In fact the only splash of colour in the spartan room was a large portrait taking up most of one wall, that depicted Nelsonâ€™s victory at Trafalgar.

â€œYour father put that up?â€

Malcolm shrugged. â€œItâ€™s okay, the detail on the canons is amazing. Remarkably efficient for that period.â€

Archer smiled, there was the Malcolm he knew and loved. Loved. He must have said it aloud because Malcolm had turned towards him.

â€œI love you Malcolm,â€ Archer stepped forward and kissed him, all thoughts fled his mind as he concentrated solely on the man in front of him.

____________________________________________________________

It was the sound of birdsong that woke Archer, unfamiliar as it was. He listened with silent delight and wondered briefly about the logistics of having birdsong piped into the crew quarters on Enterprise. The man lying next to him stirred and with a smile Archer rolled over towards Malcolm.

â€œGood morning,â€ he was gratified to see the warmth in Malcolmâ€™s grey eyes when they focused on his face.

â€œMorning,â€ Malcolm reached out for a kiss and he seemed set to repeat their lovemaking of the night before, when Archerâ€™s stomach rumbled a complaint. Malcolm laughed and Archer adopted his most captainly expression. 

â€œYou should always eat breakfast Malcolm.â€

â€œI think I can manage scrambled eggs,â€ Malcolm offered, â€œit wonâ€™t be up to Chefâ€™s standards Iâ€™m afraid.â€

â€œItâ€™ll be delicious,â€ Archer responded climbing out of bed and beginning the search for his clothing. When he realised Malcolm wasnâ€™t moving he stopped, clothes bundled against his chest. â€œMalcolm?â€

The man avoided Archerâ€™s eyes. â€œWhat do you think of me?â€ He asked in a small voice.

About to reply Archer bit the words back and instead stood and watched Malcolm for a moment. The man was sitting in the bed, sheet clutched against his chest, dark head bowed and Archer felt a stab of despair in his heart. Malcolm had held nothing back last night, everything that Archer had asked for heâ€™d given, but perhaps he was now having regrets. Archer moved across the room and seated himself next to Malcolm although he refrained from putting his arm around the man.

â€œHow do you feel about me?â€

Grey eyes looked up filled with confusion. â€œYouâ€™re a good man,â€ he said with conviction. â€œYou have principles and you live by them and last night you loved me.â€

â€œStill do,â€ Archer responded gently. â€œAnd those things that you told me, thatâ€™s what I think of you.â€

For a moment it looked as though Malcolm were on the verge of tears. â€œI think there are some things I need to tell you.â€

â€œBreakfast first.â€ Archer stated firmly. â€œIâ€™m looking forward to those eggs.â€   
________________________________________________

It was with some surprise that Archer sat in the kitchen and watched Malcolm cook. The man was obviously taking a quiet pleasure in the activity.

â€œShould Chef ever report sick Iâ€™ll know who to replace him with,â€ Archer said.

â€œIâ€™m hardly up to Chefâ€™s standards,â€ Malcolm replied, as he sprinkled herbs into the pan. â€œScrambled eggs for two I can manage, Iâ€™m not sure I could prepare them for an entire ship.â€

Archer smiled and strode across the kitchen to where Malcolm was standing and dropped a kiss onto the back of his neck. â€œAlways modest.â€

â€œNot always,â€ Malcolm replied with a smirk.

Archer smiled back and turned to amble across the kitchen to examine the row of family portraits hanging above the sink. One in particular made Archer pause, it must have been taken just before Malcolm left home and there was a tangible distance between Malcolm and the rest of his family. Malcolmâ€™s eyes were unfocused, no doubt the boy in the picture was thinking about something light years away. A woman, Malcolmâ€™s mother Archer presumed, was standing behind a young girl and Archer could see that it was his mother from whom Malcolm had inherited his dark hair and stunning smile. Admiral Reed was seated at the centre of the group, his naval uniform complete with an array of medals was immaculate but there was no smile, forced or natural on his face and his eyes were as hard as granite. Involuntarily Archer clenched his fists, then he noticed that beneath the picture was a small plaque, inscribed â€˜Admiral Stuart Reed, paterfamiliasâ€™.

â€œEggs are ready.â€ Malcolm set the plates down on the small kitchen table and wandered across to wrap his arms around Archerâ€™s waist. â€œBreakfast,â€ he murmured into Archerâ€™s ear, whose stomach grumbled in response.

.....

â€œFamily portraits,â€ Malcolm took a mouthful of egg and chewed thoughtfully. â€œWe used to have one taken every year.â€

â€œAnd the plaque?â€

â€œMy sister made it.â€ Malcolm frowned, â€œItâ€™s fitting, thatâ€™s how Father likes to think of himself.â€

Archer was busily eating but he heard the slight edge to Malcolmâ€™s voice and looked up.

â€œIt was a term used by the ancient Romans,â€ Malcolm continued, â€œIt means head of the family. What it really meant was that the oldest male in a family would have total control over all other family members. Even when his son became a man, the paterfamilias would still have control over all his sonâ€™s affairs.â€

â€œWhy would your father not want you to leave the house?â€

Malcolm shook his head. â€œItâ€™s not about keeping me confined. Father knows I can get out, even with the gate locked.â€

â€œWhat is it about then?â€

â€œControl,â€ the man replied bitterly. â€œHeâ€™s got it, I havenâ€™t.â€

â€œTrip told me that in the end your father positively encouraged you to join Starfleet.â€

Malcolmâ€™s eyes went blank and he withdrew both mentally and physically, concentrating on taking plates and mugs from the table.

â€œHe did,â€ Malcolm was methodically stacking the dishes for washing and Archer could see the tension in his shoulders.

â€œWant to talk about it?â€

â€œNot really,â€ Malcolm responded bluntly but when he turned he saw the hurt in Archerâ€™s eyes and relented. â€œTrip didnâ€™t say anything?â€

â€œNothing.â€

Malcolm smiled and his tone was amused. â€œIt seems that the Commander can keep a secret after all.â€ Slowly he turned and inspected the kitchen.

â€œShip-shape and Bristol fashion,â€ Archer commented, smiling when Malcolm looked at him in surprise.

â€œIndeed. Come on I want to show you something.â€

Malcolm led Archer from the kitchen and out of the house, pausing only to don overcoats. A short distance away from the house there was a large oak tree towards which the two men were walking. Reaching the bottom Archer looked up into the branches and with no leaves to obscure the view he could clearly see a small wooden platform part way up.

â€œA tree-house?â€

â€œNot exactly,â€ Malcolm frowned, â€œbut it was the best I could manage by myself.â€

Archer turned to look at Malcolm and then he moved forward to take the manâ€™s hands in his own. â€œI could make you happy,â€ he murmured, â€œtry and make up for all of this.â€ His gesture encompassed the house and garden. â€œCome back to Enterprise.â€ He hadnâ€™t meant to make such a direct appeal and the way that Malcolm pulled away from him made him wish that he hadnâ€™t.

â€œI canâ€™t.â€

Two words shouldnâ€™t have the power to hurt but Archer felt as though heâ€™d been kicked in the mouth.

â€œYou came all this way,â€ Malcolm acknowledged, â€œand Iâ€™m grateful. I didnâ€™t think Iâ€™d see you again and now I realise I owe you an explanation.â€ Malcolm glanced up once more at the tree and then he reached out to take Archerâ€™s hand and led him away across the grass.

â€œI met Carl when I was sixteen,â€ Malcolm said in a low voice as the two men walked back towards the house. â€œIt wasnâ€™t too long before we realised we were attracted to each other, only it all went wrong. We both came from Royal Navy families, both had fathers who wanted us to follow in their footsteps but I wanted to join Starfleet.â€

â€œAnd Carl?â€

â€œHe was perfectly happy to join the Navy, he loved boats and was always teasing me about my fear of water. He told me that if I wanted to join Starfleet I should stick to my guns and that Father would see sense eventually. I really donâ€™t think it would have happened if it hadnâ€™t been for Maddy.â€

â€œYour sister?â€

â€œCarl was in my bedroom, we were messing about and Maddy walked in on us. She told my parents what sheâ€™d seen and suddenly Father was desperate for me to join Starfleet. He wanted me as far away from Carl as possible.â€

â€œAnd this is all connected with your resignation?â€ Archer asked earnestly, quietly hoping that Malcolm wasnâ€™t still in love with Carl.

â€œCarl..â€ Archerâ€™s heart plummeted. â€œIs up for a major promotion. Heâ€™s been given his own ship. Father told me if I didnâ€™t resign heâ€™d let it be known to the powers that be that Carl is gay and heâ€™d lose the promotion.â€ Malcolm looked up with helpless grey eyes. â€œI havenâ€™t seen Carl for years but he was important to me once so I agreed.â€ 

â€œ Thereâ€™s no stigma to being gay,â€ Archer told Malcolm.

â€œThe Royal Navy is not the most forward looking force. There are still those who think that women shouldnâ€™t be allowed to sail on the ships,â€ Malcolm shrugged. â€œI canâ€™t let Carlâ€™s big chance go up in smoke, not when I could stop it.â€

â€œAnd you?â€

Malcolm shrugged again, indecision clear on his face. â€œI did what I thought was best.â€

â€œWhat about what was best for you?â€

Malcolm stared at Archer, as though he hadnâ€™t understood what the other man had said and suddenly Archer realised what the problem was. It wasnâ€™t only Malcolmâ€™s love of weaponry that had led him into his job but also his capacity for self-sacrifice.

â€œThereâ€™s nothing wrong with doing things for yourself,â€ Archer said quietly.

Malcolm looked close to tears again. â€œI joined Starfleet that was for me.â€

â€œCome back with me Malcolm,â€ Archer wrapped his arms around the younger man. â€œEnterprise needs you, I need you.â€ The kiss that followed these words was, Archer was sure, an agreement but when Malcolm released him, the man backed away, shaking his head.

â€œI canâ€™t.â€

â€œYou truly believe that Carl will lose his commission if the Navy know heâ€™s gay? What about Starfleet, what about me?â€ Archer asked desperately. All the time heâ€™d known Malcolm aboard Enterprise heâ€™d never allowed himself to imagine that his feelings would be returned. He didnâ€™t want to let Malcolm go now that he knew that they were.

â€œStarfleet is a much more modern, forward-thinking institution. They know that a person isnâ€™t defined by who they find attractive.â€ The man turned to look back towards the house. â€œMy father is well-respected, people listen to him. If he wanted to he could destroy Carlâ€™s career.â€

â€œYou really believe that?â€

Malcolm sighed. â€œI was six years old, father had been away for three months and I went to see his ship come into port. Heâ€™d arranged for a junior officer to show me around the ship. He told me to stay close to him and not to touch anything unless he said I could.â€ Malcolm smiled wryly. â€œThe ship was state of the art, brand new but the lieutenant wouldnâ€™t show me anything more exciting than the galley, so when he was looking the other way I ran off.â€

Archer almost smiled, it was hardly surprising to hear that the young Malcolm had chafed at only being allowed to see the safest areas of a ship.

â€œThe rest is hazy. I found the armoury but I must have slipped and fallen. I broke my leg and knocked myself out cold. It took the crew an hour to find me. I told father it was my fault,â€ the light in Malcolmâ€™s eyes dimmed, â€œbut he took all his anger out on the lieutenant. The man was fired on my fatherâ€™s say-so.â€

There was a knot of ice in Archerâ€™s stomach, he knew now that when he left to go back to Enterprise he would be going alone.â€

â€œHave you spoken to Carl?â€

â€œNo.â€

â€œMaybe you should, the situation might not be as dire as your father says.â€

Malcolm shrugged, â€œI havenâ€™t spoken to Carl for ten years.â€

â€œPerhaps nowâ€™s the time. Malcolm please, donâ€™t make a final decision until youâ€™ve spoken to him.â€

â€œIf I can I will.â€

Archer told himself he would have top be content with that, but there was a thoughtful look on Malcolmâ€™s face and it did give Archer a small amount of hope.

â€œI feel so stupid.â€

â€œCaptain?â€ Sheer astonishment at Archerâ€™s comment forced the title he had been working so hard not to use from his lips.

â€œAll this time I wanted to tell you how I felt and I couldnâ€™t find the courage until you left.â€

â€œIf itâ€™s any consolation,â€ Malcolm said with a small smile, â€œI didnâ€™t tell you how I felt either.â€

And right there, standing in the open air the two men threw back their heads and laughed. When their chuckles had subsided, Archer said, â€œI have to leave tomorrow. Admiral Forrest is keen for enterprise to get back to work.â€

â€œJon,â€ Malcolm stepped towards Archer. â€œI love you and Iâ€™ll miss you.â€

â€œIâ€™m not gone yet. How about we make the most of the time we have.â€ 

Malcolm smiled and his eyes glimmered with mischief. â€œAre you feeling adventurous?â€

â€œWhat did you have in mind?â€

 

It wasnâ€™t long before the two men were heading out towards the old railway tunnel that Malcolm used to escape from the grounds of the house. Once free of the encircling walls Malcolm led Archer up a steep winding path that soon disappeared into a mass of trees. As Archer climbed he found himself watching Malcolmâ€™s behind and even though the steep incline was beginning to tell on him he couldnâ€™t fight the desire bubbling up within him.

â€œMalcolm,â€ the dark haired man stopped and then gasped in surprise as Archer pushed him back against a tree and kissed him.

â€œNot here,â€ Malcolm gasped, although his own need was clearly visible. He took Archerâ€™s hand and led him further up the path, then took an oblique right hand bend that appeared to lead nowhere. 

â€œWhere are we going?â€

â€œYouâ€™ll see,â€ Malcolm grinned and let the other manâ€™s hand drop. â€œWe just have to get through this undergrowth.â€

Archer laughed but he soon found that Malcolm was serious when the man disappeared behind a screen of glossy leaves. Following him Archer found himself standing in the middle of a large area of vegetation, pieces of it had been carefully trimmed back so that an open pathway lay before them.

â€œI came up here a few days ago and did this,â€ Malcolm explained. â€œI used to come up here a lot when I still lived at home. Itâ€™s private, a place just for me.â€ Malcolm took Archerâ€™s hand again and led him forwards a short distance towards a shadowed opening in the hillside. â€œIâ€™ve never brought anyone here before,â€ he confessed as he ducked his head and led Archer into a cave.

The space wasnâ€™t particularly large and the air was cool but Archer could see that it made the perfect hideaway. He turned, a question on his lips but was silenced by Malcolmâ€™s passionate attack. Archer barely noticed the chill of the air on naked flesh as he lost his clothes piece by piece, the sensation of Malcolmâ€™s hands and lips on his body was too overwhelming. He surrendered willingly to Malcolmâ€™s need, the passion in the manâ€™s actions far greater than he had ever expected. Finally he came back to himself while Malcolm was thrusting deep within him and he realised that Malcolm was murmuring nonsense words to himself, hardly what he would have expected form, the up-tight, somewhat surly lieutenant who had first come on board Enterprise. Since then however, Archer had come to realise just how much of a front that was and he felt his heart opening even more to his armoury officer, ex-armoury officer, than he would ever have thought possible.

Afterwards, he held Malcolm in his arms and watched his own reflection in a pair of sleepy grey eyes. For once Malcolm was un-guarded, relaxed and Archer knew that it was probably the last time he would see the man like this.

Heâ€™d been dozing, Archer realised, time had been passing unawares, bringing him closer to the moment when he and Malcolm would have to part. Heâ€™d been dreaming and with a felling of bitter sweetness he recalled it. Heâ€™d been taking Malcolm back to Enterprise, everyone heâ€™d met had smiled and heâ€™s introduced Malcolm to them as his husband and heâ€™s been happy, truly happy. The injustice of his situation almost made him choke, Malcolm wasnâ€™t going to marry him, in fact he wasnâ€™t even going to come back to Enterprise with him and all because of a father who had never really cared for Malcolm and a friend whom Malcolm hadnâ€™t seen for ten years.

â€œWe should go.â€

The sound of Malcolmâ€™s vice made him jump and he wondered just how long Malcolm had been awake for.

â€œItâ€™s going to start getting dark soon and we didnâ€™t have any lunch.â€

On cue Archerâ€™s stomach rumbled and he smiled. â€œWhatâ€™s on the menu?â€

â€œLetâ€™s go and see.â€

As they dressed neither man mentioned the fact that this would be their last night together but nevertheless Archer could feel a wave of despair just waiting to break over him and he was unable to shake the memory of his dream and the pride he had felt when referring to Malcolm as his husband.

Afterwards Archer, try as he might, could only recall hazy details of that last night. The two lovers had prepared and eaten a meal and then had fallen into bed where once again Malcolm had surrendered himself utterly to Archer. The pure joy of that night was what Archer recalled most clearly. Watching Malcolm release his control had stimulated Archer and saw the two men locked together in passion for a large part of the night.

_______________________________________________

He could hear someone moving around downstairs and then footsteps on the landing outside the room. Opening his eyes Archer found that Malcolm was gone and hurriedly he rolled out from under the sheet and pulled his trousers on.

â€œMalcolm?â€

Standing outside the room stood Malcolm, fully-dressed, except for bare feet and staring at two people whom Archer identified as Malcolmâ€™s parents. Now he saw them in person Archer could see that Malcolm had inherited his grey eyes from his father, but while Malcolmâ€™s eyes were full of life and expression, his fatherâ€™s were hard and unyielding.

â€œI see we have company,â€ the sneer in the manâ€™s voice was unmistakeable and his eyes swept across Archer, dismissing him as irrelevant.

There was a dangerous look on Malcolmâ€™s face. â€œThis is Jon..â€

â€œI know very well who he is,â€ Admiral Reed turned to face Archer. â€œSo Captain, I hope you found my son satisfactory.â€

â€œStuart!â€ Open-mouthed at her husbandâ€™s boorish behaviour Malcolmâ€™s mother began to apologise.

â€œI meant what I said,â€ the admiral took a step towards Archer and Malcolm quickly inserted himself between them.

â€œItâ€™s no business of yours who I invite to the house,â€ Malcolm told his father firmly. â€œI did what you wanted. I resigned from Starfleet. Everything else is up to me.â€

Archer felt a rush of pride and having witnessed the exchange he suddenly felt a lot happier at the thought of leaving Malcolm behind.

â€œWell,â€ again the Admiral addressed Archer. â€œIt seems that we both got what we wanted.â€

â€œNot exactly,â€ Archer admitted.

â€œYou came here to seduce my son, isnâ€™t that true?â€

Archer could feel Malcolm bristling at his side and he put a reassuring hand on the manâ€™s shoulder. â€œI came here because I didnâ€™t want to lose one of the finest officers Iâ€™ve worked with. Malcolm is a fine young man, you should be proud of what heâ€™s achieved.â€

â€œOh we are,â€ the man sneered. He smiled at Malcolm, but his smile wasnâ€™t genuine. â€œWeâ€™re so proud that he became his Captainâ€™s catamite.â€

Malcolm turned away and took Archerâ€™s hand. â€œIâ€™m sorry that you have to listen to this.â€

Not knowing what else to do Archer pulled Malcolm to him and kissed him. This would be the last time and so Archer poured all of his passion, all of his love into that kiss. He could feel Malcolmâ€™s body beginning to respond and reluctantly he broke the contact, there was no need to give Malcolmâ€™s father any more ammunition to use against his son.

â€œI ought to go.â€

â€œYes Captain, you should leave. Iâ€™ll see you out myself.â€

So Archer dressed and left. Escorted from the house he felt like a criminal. His only hope was that Malcolm wouldnâ€™t suffer too much for his actions.

______________________________________________________________

Alone again Malcolm paced up and down his room. Reaching the window he paused, arms reaching around himself. Physically there wasnâ€™t anything his father could inflict on him but nevertheless Admiral Reed had left his son in little doubt as to what he had done wrong. It brought back memories of a similar tirade, the night his parents had found out about Carl. That had been the last time his father had tried to hit him. Blocking the blow without even thinking about it, Malcolm knew heâ€™d surprised his father into seeing him as an adult and into acknowledging that his son had the right to make his own decisions.

â€œAt least I thought that was what happened,â€ Malcolm murmured to himself. He should never have come home, he realised that now, but heâ€™d wanted to see his mother and he had truekly believed that his fatherâ€™s need to control him would have diesdaway. Malcolm pressed his forehead against the window and exhaled slowly. He should have left with Jon, he realised, should never have given in to his father so easily, but then he remembered why he had, Carl.

When Malcolm had left for Starfleet, the pair had made a pact not to contact one another again. With their lives moving in different directions both young men acknowledged that this was the best thing to do. They had parted reluctantly and Malcolm for his part often thought of Carl, that is until his posting on Enterprise. Despite having moved on, he had loved Carl once and it had stung him to the bone to hear his father threaten him so casually. So unsure of what else to do he had capitulated. He hadnâ€™t realised that Archer would come after him but it had changed everything.

His mind made up Malcolm quickly stripped off his clothes. Naked, he crossed the room and pulled a small trunk away from the wall. His hands were trembling and he fumbled with the lock for a few agonising seconds before the trunk opened. Inside, carefully folded lay his uniform. After sending his resignation letter Malcolm had expected never to wear it again. In a moment of passionate self-hatred he had considered throwing it way but memories of his time aboard Enterprise and of Jon Archer had instead made him fold it away, hiding it as he had hidden his love for his Captain.

Slowly Malcolm lifted the uniform out. Everything was there in the trunk even his boots and he dressed quickly. He hadnâ€™t expected to wear it again but now he was his resolve hardened. Quickly now Malcolm packed a small bag, a few necessities, there wasnâ€™t much that he would need and then he hesitated. Should he leave a letter of explanation for his parents? Malcolm frowned, his fatherâ€™s words to Captain Archer rang in his ears. There would be no going back he realised and a letter would do liilte to change that.

â€œIâ€™m sorry,â€ Malcolm spoke aloud to the empty air around him. Then with a resolute look on his face, Malcolm lifted his bag and made his silent way out of the house.

 

Hours later and with the sun just peeking over the horizon Malcolm stood and considered his next move. Heâ€™d walked almost all night to get to the naval base and although he was intent on returning to San Francisco and to Starfleet, first he had to speak to Carl.

The small room in which he stood was uniformly grey, the lack of imagination in his surroundings made Malcolm grimace but he didnâ€™t have long to bemoan his lack of things to look at.

â€œMalcolm?â€ The voice hadnâ€™t changed and when Malcolm, swung around to face the door he found that Carl had in fact changed very little. The shoulders were maybe a little broader and Carl was perhaps a little taller but the brown eyes still sparked and the smile was every bit as warm as Malcolm remembered.

The two men embraced.

â€œI thought you were somewhere in outer space.â€

â€œI came home.â€

â€œBut you struggled so hard to get away,â€ Carl paused, â€œam I missing something?â€

Quickly Malcolm told Carl everything that had happened, although he omitted the part Archer had played.

Carl scrunched up his eyes, as was his habit when thinking. â€œMalcolm they know. I donâ€™t hide the fact that I like men from anyone. I donâ€™t mean to sound harsh, but your father no longer has the kind of influence he thinks he does. He could never do anything to affect my career.â€

â€œIâ€™m relived.â€ Malcolm picked up his bag from the floor. â€œI should go.â€

â€œYouâ€™re not going home are you?â€ There was real concern in Carlâ€™s voice.

â€œNo, back to Starfleet.â€

Carl stepped forward. â€œIt was nice to see you again Malcolm. To think that you would sacrifice your career for me that.. it means a lot.â€ Carl reached out as though he wanted to hold Malcolm but he never completed the action. â€œIs there anyone in your life right now?â€

â€œThere was,â€ Malcolm hesitated. â€œItâ€™s complicated.â€

â€œIt always is for you. Can I give you some advice, as someone who loved you once?â€

â€œYes.â€

â€œIf you love him Malcolm, tell him. Forget rules and regulations and all those things you like to hide behind. Give yourself the chance to be happy. You deserve it.â€

____________________________________________________

Archer was stalling. Enterprise should have left dry dock yesterday but he kept hoping that Malcolm would change his mind.

â€œCome in.â€ The tap on his door was probably Admiral Forrest, coming to tell him that he must choose a new armoury officer asap.

â€œIâ€™m sorry to disturb you sir.â€

Archer forced his shaking hands flat against his thighs and looked up. In front of him, back as ramrod straight as usual was Malcolm Reed. â€œIâ€™ve withdrawn my resignation. I understand that you have assigned a new armoury officer but if there were another position you could offer me I would be grateful.â€

â€œI havenâ€™t found a new armoury officer yet. Welcome back Lieutenant.â€ It seemed such a dry statement to make after what he and Malcolm had shared but Archer knew that he couldnâ€™t assume that Malcolm would welcome his advances again.

â€œThank you.â€

Archer watched as Malcolm turned and walked away, this wasnâ€™t exactly how he had wanted things but having Malcolm back on Enterprise was something to be celebrated ......

Just before he reached the door Malcolm turned. â€œJon?â€

Archerâ€™s heart leapt.

â€œI love you.â€ There was a soft light in Malcolmâ€™s grey eyes.

â€œI love you.â€ Archer strode quickly to Malcolmâ€™s side. He was shaking he realised. â€œYou want to continue?â€

â€œI want us to have a chance.â€

Archer smiled, he couldnâ€™t have hoped for a better ending and the light shining in Malcolmâ€™s eyes told him that his lover felt the same.

The end


End file.
